Stagfest 2007 Diary: What happens in Halifax, stays in Halifax
Part 1: Prologue and the Journey East
What is this “Stagfest 2007†you ask? Ok, I’m going to do a quick background on this before moving ahead with the diary (if you’re thinking “this may be a good blog to skipâ€, you’re probably right – I just thought it would make for an interesting writing project –more interesting for me, that is).
The last of my buddies (a group of six of us, originally from an area centered around the town of Thamesford between Woodstock and London, who have grown up together) is getting married this summer. We’ve been waiting for BrotherShayne (also to be referred to as “BroEssâ€, or just “Essâ€) to get hitched (nicknames only will be used to protect the identities of my friends - I don’t want this blog being used as evidence in a court of law). The rest of us stiffs were married off between the years 2000-2002, so we’ve known for awhile that whenever BroEss decided to get off his arse and take the plunge would mean it would be our opportunity for the ‘last hurrah’ so to speak.
What made things more complicated was the fact that BroEss decided to leave the fruitful lands of his parents’ ranch in the Greater Tillsonburg Area and journey out east to Halifax to shack up with his then girlfriend, now fiancée. Maybe this was a blessing in disguise… The rest of the gang, with families of our own and maybe a little tight for cash, knew that affording one last, big stag to somewhere like say, Vegas, although very much desirable, would be difficult. A trek to Halifax however (admittedly much less sexy than Vegas) would provide us the opportunity for one last road trip at a more reasonable cost. Painful? Yes. 17-18 hours jammed in a vehicle with 3-4 other smelly guys isn’t ideal, but it would be an adventure for us, and the chance for Ess to see his boyz on his turf for once.
BroEss announced his engagement in the summer of 06, prompting the introductory Stagfest 2007 email from Mackdaddy the following Monday. The event has been in the works for a year now. The July 1st Canada Day weekend would be Stagfest 2007, followed by the wedding back in Tillsonburg on the August long weekend.
On an unfortunate note: in the final week before the journey was to begin, Capper’s dad was suddenly scheduled to have surgery to remove a tumour from his bladder. “Big Al†had kind of been our surrogate dad during high school, when Capper’s household in Thamesford around the corner from mine, became our central hub. I’m not sure why it became our home base, but nonetheless, Big Al was always there to put up with the constant coming and going of teenagers…
Capper wanted to be there for his dad after the surgery and we couldn’t blame him. You can’t control when these things happen in life, so we understood his decision. The rest of us would carry on. It wouldn’t be easy a man down, but we would push through. Okay, okay, I’m not sure how this negatively impacted the rest of us, besides not having one of the boyz there with us, so maybe I’m being a little overdramatic from our point of view, but it still felt a bit like getting ready for the World Cup final with one of our clutch guys red-carded in the semi-final. On a positive note, at departure time, Big Al was doing well after what was deemed a successful surgery.
The last week (4 days leading up to our departure on Thursday, June 28) was spent emailing out the final reminders and itinerary. Finally, here we were, D-day:
Thursday, 5:48 pm
I arrive home after the GO Train delayed my wife’s arrival by 15 minutes. Damn you, GO Transit! Damn you! The guys have been waiting patiently for almost 20 minutes at my place and I am reprimanded appropriately.
6:11 pm
Wedding band: check. (the last Stagfest road trip was to Montreal where I made the ill-fated mistake of forgetting my wedding band at home. I’ve been hearing about this from my wife, buddies and random kids on the street for 5 years. That blunder was legendary.)
I check my finger again as I relive the magnitude of that oversight.
Wedding band: check.
6:12 pm
I’m packed up. Lock and load – Stagfest 2007 is officially underway as we pull away from my house.
6:13 pm
I run back inside to pick up the portable DVD player which Mackdaddy has been insisting MUST be brought along. After all, he did bring the headphone splitter so two of us could cuddle in the back seat and share a flick….
6:28 pm
It takes us 15 minutes to get from Laurier and Thompson to the 401 on ramp at James Snow Parkway after waiting in gridlock traffic along Thompson thanks to two trains crossing, and then a backup at the Main/Thompson intersection. I say let’s beat that dead horse a little more – great #@%$ urban planning, Milton. Can we just get that underpass on Thompson finished or maybe another #@$% lane added?!? Holy hell. Driving in Milton (they don’t call us ‘Canada’s fastest growing city’ for nothing *sarcasm*) at rush hour has become a nightmare.
6:29 pm
Stagfest 2007 almost comes to a halt after our vehicle narrowly misses suffering severe damage turning left onto James Snow from Main. The rocket scientists working on road repairs here have left the area resembling a patch of rocky desert in Nevada which has dropped about a foot-and-a-half lower than the paved section of road. My buddies make more comments about Milton and I have no defence. Screw it – I join in as well. I recite the well-known list of blunders the Town of Milton has made in it’s urban expansion process.
6:45pm
The word ‘porn’ is uttered for the first time on Stagfest 2007.
7:38pm
We run into our first traffic jam of Stagfest 2007 (outside of Milton) thanks to JD’s decision to connect to the 401 at Westney Rd. Please let us get through the GTA without the car coming to a physical stop on the highway… Please…
8:02 pm
The first long, silent pause of the trip. We just ran out of things to talk about. My iPod is promptly fired up and my ‘Stagfest 2007′ playlist begins. 1.5 days worth of music - 460 songs approximately. That, and some good Coast to Coast AM episodes for late night driving, and we’re set!
9:15 pm
Our first stop for Tim Horton’s coffee just west of Kingston. I’m a little freaked out because this service centre has the same design as the one on the 401 between Ingersoll and Woodstock. It’s identical. It’s making me feel like we’ve traveled the wrong way for the last three hours…
9:43 pm
We throw the football around a bit in the parking lot. Only one car is hit, surprisingly. We leave quickly on account of being suddenly attacked relentlessly by bloodthirsty mosquitoes. I also got buzzed in the ear by a bird-sized bee. What the hell is going on with the insects in Eastern Ontario? It’s either a sign of the apocalypse or time to get back on the road. Three hours down and fifteen to go. Who’s effing idea was it to drive to Halifax?
Friday 12:23 am
We make it through Montreal successfully without hitting any traffic jams, bars or strip clubs.
2:03 am
I take over the driving reins from Dave at Quebec City for the undesirable stretch of freeway ending at Rivière-du-Loup. I start the first Coast to Coast AM podcast of Stagfest 2007, an Art Bell show from last Saturday on peak oil and military scenarios between the US and Iran and the US and Mexico. Not one of the better shows, but it helps to pass the time…
3:24 am
JD and I notice the sun is starting to come up over the Eastern horizon as T-Bone and Steve saw logs in the backseat.
4:24 am
My shift comes to an end with me struggling to keep my eyelids open and my face off the steering wheel. T-Bone takes over for the next stretch from Quebec through New Brunswick…
8:10 am (now on Atlantic time)
We pull into a Smitty’s in Woodstock, New Brunswick for breakfast. I order the over-priced Western Skillet because I’m damn hungry. I overlook the part that said ‘hollandaise sauce.’
8:12 am
CNN reports that Greg Oden went #1 in the NBA draft (because Portland didn’t have the balls to pick the better long-term player and the one who fits better with their current roster, Kevin Durant), and that Frank Thomas nailed his 500th homer yesterday for the Jays in a losing effort in Minneapolis.
8:33 am
The guys inform me that the ‘melted cheese’ on my skillet is in actual fact, hollandaise sauce. I’ve never had hollandaise sauce, so I dive in.
8:34 am
Hollandaise Sauce 1, me 0. I realize I’m going to pay for the decision to go with the hollaindaise sauce.
9:46 am
My body is working feverishly on an exit strategy for the Smitty’s skillet…
9:58 am
We stop at an Irving rest stop. Irving owns everything out here. You’d think the province was called Irving given the frequency at which the logo keeps popping up around every corner… I can see a day when every child born in the Maritimes has a big Irving logo tattooed across their chest or forehead (the last sentence uses the literary technique known as: “foreshadowing”).
10:01 am
Exit strategy executed successfully.
10:09 am
JD utters the phrase ‘I played with it a lot when I first got it.’ He’s talking about his iPod, but nonetheless, we bust his chops and have a chuckle.
12:12 pm
We cross over into Nova Scotia and insert the CD BroEss mailed to Mackdaddy ahead of time entitled: “Welcome to Nova Scotia: No Anne Murray, no Rita McNeil, no Great Big Seaâ€. In typical BroEss fashion, we’ve just finished rockin’ out to the likes of Sloan, Joel Plaskett (or Thrush Hermit?) and some Nova Scotia-themed rap tune. So far, so good – thanks buddy.
12:51 pm
Ahhh, here it is: “Natural Disaster†by Joel Plaskett. Thanks Ess.
1:32 pm
We roll into Halifax and make our way downtown. The amount of siding seen on buildings and houses in the city is duly noted.
2:12 pm
We check into our suite at the Radisson in downtown Halifax. The pull-out couch was supposed to have been occupied by the two last-place finishers in this year’s hockey pool, which were BroEss and Capper. With Capper sleeping safely with his wife at home in Oakville tonight, I’m unsure as to how the sleeping arrangements will play out. Add copious amounts of alcohol to that equation and who the hell knows who will end up where…
2:16 pm
T-Bone’s laptop is fired up, wireless connection established. After checking my email and the traffic on MiltonSearch.com, I email BroEss at work in Halifax. I explain that I’ve been left in Truro by the idiots and how far is Halifax and how should I get there. I also throw in something about being offered a ride by a three-legged pirate.
2:24 pm
BroEss fires off an email response for the ages: “Watch out for 3-legged pirates - don’t touch their hornpipe, or you might get it in the bung-hole, you filthy bilge-rat!”
2:58 pm
Mackdaddy and I hit the streets of Halifax to explore the harbour and pick up a few things while T-Bone and JD pass out for awhile before we’re scheduled to meet up with BroEss and his fiancée for dinner. Our immediate and most shocking observation: traffic stops for pedestrians here. Readers living in the GTA will absolutely not believe this. I have no way to back up my statement - you just have to trust me on this.
You stayed awake and read this far? Watch for the next installment of the Stagfest 2007 Diary: What happens in Halifax, stays in Halifax. Part Two: The Fun Begins coming soon!